


my heart is thrilled by the still of your hand (it's how i know now that you understand)

by ForestBlue (forestblue)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex Danvers & Lena Luthor Friendship, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Identity Reveal, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Pre-Relationship, So I had to write it, and mostly just in the end, but it's the whole reason i wrote this whole fic so, i feel like i need to mention that the supercorp is light, just a little identity reveal fic that wouldn't leave me alone, let me know if i need to tag it with anything else, spoiler alert: they both get a hug, this is based on the All About Eve episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 07:14:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18331196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forestblue/pseuds/ForestBlue
Summary: “Is it safe for you to be out here?” Lena asks softly, probably trying to show that she’s not ordering Supergirl to come back inside, but that she’s merely worried. The gesture is sweet and makes Kara feel even worse for having kept this secret for so long.“It’s as safe as any place in National City. My apartment. My favorite café. My workplace,” Kara says as she leans on the railing, looking up towards the stars.or an identity reveal fic following the events of 4x17





	my heart is thrilled by the still of your hand (it's how i know now that you understand)

**Author's Note:**

> So I got an idea for an identity reveal fic today when I was thinking about the great episode that 4x17 was, and I guess I finally got off my ass and wrote some Supercorp. It's like... barely there, but it's there, so I'm happy about it. Anyway, I wrote this in one sitting and I tried editing it to the best of my ability, but I'm sorry if there are any mistakes left. I've been staring at this document for half a day now, so I can't really see anything out of order anymore. 
> 
> The title is taken from Hozier's 'No Plan'. Hope you enjoy, and remember to yell at me on tumblr on either forest-blue or queerdox (or here in the comments)!

Supergirl arrives at the DEO with the best donuts in hand and intruder alarms blaring loudly in her ears. Right. She isn’t exactly welcome here. After a tiny waver in her step during which she seriously considers leaving the building and going to her apartment to binge on the very _expensive_ donuts that the DEO agents would _not_ truly appreciate, Kara puts on Supergirl’s trademark sunny smile and straightens her posture.

 

“Supergirl? What does _she_ want?”

 

“I forgot how _loud_ those were,” Kara says to herself, but it’s more for the benefit of the two alarmed agents who look about ready to shoot, heartbeats pounding at an alarming rate for someone who’s holding a gun. The guns wouldn’t hurt her at all, but the bullets might ricochet and hit the agents. And no one should get hurt because of her.

 

“Everyone, stand down,” Colonel Haley orders. Everyone relaxes. Kara can still feel all eyes on her, can hear the tension in the grinding of teeth, the slight anxious shift from one foot to the other. She really hopes this will work. She walks towards Haley, next to whom stand Alex and Brainy, the latter looking just about as uncomfortable as Kara feels in this situation.

 

“I, uh,” she looks down at the pink box, suddenly regretting its purchase. What was she even thinking, buying donuts for the DEO? They aren’t like stereotypical police officers, and no dessert – no matter how delicious – is going to convince them to suddenly ignore the _President’s_ orders and work with her. And yet.

 

“I come offering donuts and my help.”

 

She feels dumb the moment the words leave her mouth, but Haley gestures for her to approach. Interesting. Maybe Kara isn’t the only one with a sweet tooth.

 

“Lex usually attacks within the first 48 hours of escaping,” she cuts right to the chase. She’s wasted enough time already. “I know we’ve had our differences, but I think we should team up to catch him.”

 

Haley looks apologetic at that, weirdly enough.

 

“While I do appreciate a good cinnamon cruller, Supergirl, the President has ordered us to redirect manpower to Washington, D. C.”

 

Kara frowns.

 

“For security,” Alex quickly adds, “in case of any unrest after the repeal vote.”

 

Kara is trying to avoid looking at Alex as much as she can. It’s strange to see such a detached look in her sister’s eyes. She zones out during the next few sentences, stuck in an uncomfortable position of not knowing how to appeal to her own sister’s common sense without Alex knowing who exactly is asking for her help.

 

“Lex had superpowers when I fought him,” she puts forward the only real argument she has. “He is more dangerous than ever, and he _will_ strike.”

 

To Kara’s relief, something familiar shines in Alex’s eyes and they manage to convince Haley to let her work with Supergirl. Kara happily relinquishes the donuts in favor of her sister’s help. She can get herself some later, after they catch Lex, in celebration of a job well done.

 

“I’ve been doing scans of the skies, but I’m not finding anything,” Supergirl tells the three, frustration evident in her voice. “But most criminal organizations have a weak link.”

 

“You’re right,” Alex backs her up, and it really shouldn’t feel like such a big thing, but it _is_ because just weeks ago Alex was complaining to Kara about Supergirl and how she couldn’t be trusted. “Eve Tessmacher was working with Lex. Lena knows her better than any of us.”

 

Kara knew it was a good idea to try to get the DEO’s help. To try to get Alex’s help at the very least. She’s glad that she still knows her sister, at least in some respects. Alex wouldn’t just stand by while someone as vile as Lex Luthor is out on the streets, probably hatching an evil plan that will hurt many people, humans and aliens alike.

 

“Then let’s go talk to her,” she says, already half turned around, preparing to jump off and fly to Lena. Alex stops her with a strangely tentative ‘um’. It makes Kara turn around to face her sister immediately, because that’s the tone that Alex uses when she’s about to tell Kara something hard to swallow. But it’s usually the right thing, so Kara sucks up any out-of-place defiance that may arise and listens instead.

 

“Lena has been through quite the ordeal,” and _oh_ , the soft and caring way that Alex talks about Lena as if she needs to be protected against Kara, against _Supergirl_ , that’s… new. But if Kara’s face shows any hurt, no one but Brainy notices.

 

“And given the fact that you two don’t have the… cleanest history, I think it’s better if I talk to her,” Alex says as if it’s no big deal, as if Kara’s heart doesn’t fold in on itself when she realizes just how _alone_ she is now. Both Brainy and J’onn know, it’s true, but neither of them quite _understands_ how Alex used to. How maybe Lena would, if Kara had only told her earlier, when it was still okay to have kept Supergirl’s identity from her. Well, it doesn’t matter now. Kara looks away for a moment, unable to keep her emotions from escaping onto her face, afraid of the possibility of her sister seeing something in her expression that would make her see past her erased memories. Now is really not the time for further complications. They have a psychopath to catch.

 

“Right,” Kara nods a bit stiffly, reaching for a secret pocket. She takes out the Super watch and extends it to Alex, making sure to touch as little of it as possible so that their hands don’t touch.

 

“Uh, if she gives you a lead, press this once and I’ll be there. If you press it twice, I’ll know not to come,” she continues nonchalantly, channeling some of that much needed Supergirl confidence that she doesn’t really feel.

 

Alex nods and walks away.

 

Kara feels like crying.

 

Supergirl flies away.

 

 

 

Kara half expects to hear two signals or no signal at all, with how cautious Alex seemed about having Lena and Supergirl working together. But the signal comes, and no second one follows after a second, so Supergirl quickly whooshes in. Maybe she could have waited a few moments more, but she didn’t really want to risk Alex and Lena changing their minds. So what if she was already listening in on Alex’s heartbeat to calm herself from what felt like quickly rising panic? So what if she was already in the neighborhood, mere kilometers away from where Lena and Alex waited? She was patrolling the city, looking for Lex. They wouldn’t know, anyway.

 

“So, this is the team,” she says, the lamest conversation starter she’s used in years. To be fair, this isn’t a situation she’s been in before, so Kara feels that her awkwardness is completely justifiable.

 

“Yes, Lena has joined us,” Alex replies, all business. It doesn’t put Kara at ease at all.

 

“Uh, so why are we in ‘burbs?” Supergirl continues in a very uncharacteristic and _sucky_ way. Who even says _‘burbs_? Supergirl, apparently.

 

“Well, I realized that Eve is in love with Lex,” Lena helpfully supplies, and okay, maybe Kara can do this after all.

 

“Crazy Lex-girlfriend,” or maybe not, since she’s apparently now making dumb puns about tv shows.

 

“Which indicates her heart drives her actions,” Alex continues completely unperturbed, and absolutely no one looks amused, so that’s another loss for Kara. That’s fine. She can take it. It was a bad pun, anyway. And she supposes that Alex has a lot of practice with Kara’s dumb jokes to just ignore Supergirl’s awkward attempts at breaking the ice. Now that she thinks about it, Alex probably took pity on her and threw her a bone. She really shouldn’t be this bitter about no one laughing at her joke, but. Well. Even Supergirl can be grouchy.

 

“She spoke fondly of an elderly aunt, her only family in the city,” Lena continues this back-and-forth between her and Alex where they’re so on the same page it’s kind of weird, actually. Kara is stuck between them in her Supergirl suit, which feels a lot more constricting now that her sister and best friend apparently get along so well that they finish each other’s-

 

“Mary Tessmacher. This is her house.”

 

Sentences.

 

Well. Maybe having a team isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

 

 

 

“Were you sick at all, Bitsie?” Lena asks, and Kara can’t quite see where she’s going with this.

 

“Me? Healthy as a horse. Why?” She hears Bitsie’s heartbeat quicken and _oh_ , that’s what Lena’s getting at.

 

“Just something Eve said about a cousin with cancer who had two daughters,” Lena throws offhandedly as if she’s not accusing Bitsie of being in contact with her runaway cousin and being injected with an illegal drug.

 

The oven dings.

 

“My blood orange cake! Want some?” Bitsie turns away and busies herself with taking the cake out of the oven.

 

Kara rolls her eyes. How pretentious. It’s just a red cake. Pfft. _Blood orange_. Or wait, maybe she meant that she used blood oranges to make it? Still…

 

“I can never turn down cake,” she smiles politely and keeps her hands on her hips until Bitsie has her back to them. “She’s lying,” she whispers. “Her heart’s as fast as a hummingbird’s.”

 

“Yeah, I think so, too,” Lena agrees, and Kara feels way too proud that Lena agrees with something that Supergirl said, but at this point she’ll honestly take whatever she can get. Lena is only working with her because she has to, because it’s the best chance they’ve got at catching Lex. So if there are any good parts to come out of this whole thing, Kara will remember them fondly.

 

Bitsie turns around holding the cake pan in her hands, showing it to- wait, her hands?

 

“Uh, Bitsie, your- your hands,” Kara stammers out, not expecting this development.

 

Bitsie looks down at her hands.

 

“Oh, ow! Ahhh!” she yells and drops the pan on the counter in an absolutely unconvincing way, and Kara would know because she’s made the same mistake quite a few times in the past.

 

“Your hands should be scalded. They’re not even red,” Alex notes.

 

“You _were_ sick! You were in hospice. Eve cured you with the serum I made for James. She _was_ here,” Lena accuses, and Kara should really jump in to stop this situation from escalating.

 

Of course, at this point it’s too late. Bitsie slams her fist onto the counter and leaves a hole in it, then arms herself with a knife.

 

“Drop it!” Alex points her gun at Bitsie and oh no, this is deteriorating even further.

 

“You can’t take it out of me! I don’t want to be sick again!”

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Kara puts herself between Bitsie and Alex’s gun.

 

“Hey, we are _not_ here to hurt you.”

 

“Eve saved me. She’s good,” Bitsie implores. Kara understands. The woman is only trying to protect her family.

 

“I hear you,” she tells her, and feels Alex and Lena shift uneasily behind her. “But if the world is wrong about Eve, then tell us what’s right.”

 

“Eve came here when she was on the run from _you_ and the police,” and the ‘you’ is spat out with such venom even considering the circumstances that Kara wavers a little on the inside. Supergirl looks just as earnest to help as always.

 

“She did a good thing for you. But the longer she’s with Lex, the more trouble she’s in. The more danger,” Kara reasons. She can see Bitsie’s grip on the knife falter. “Help us find her.”

 

Bitsie drops the knife.

 

“I- I don’t know where she went,” she admits. “But I know she used to work out of a lab at National City University.”

 

“Eve had a secret lab?” Kara doesn’t mean to sound so incredulous, but Eve is really starting to sound just as supervillainy as Lex.

 

“Seems there are a lot of things about Eve that were secret,” Lena says, clenching her jaw, and it seems this is one more thing they agree on.

 

 

 

The door concealing the lab opens with a beep.

 

“Whole room’s lined with lead,” Kara notes after doing an x-ray scan of the surroundings.

 

“Eve may not have been tidy, but she was smart,” Lena notes with both pride and disappointment.

 

“Maybe not that smart,” Kara grunts, prying the safe door open.

 

And- _oh_. That’s-

 

“That’s Harun-El,” Kara blinks, hoping maybe that it’s a trick of the light even though she knows it isn’t.

Lena, for her part, has the decency to look ashamed at having kept this a secret.

 

“You kept this?” Kara lashes out, not being able to keep her anger in check. “My mother told you how dangerous it is.”

 

“I didn’t keep it,” Lena does a 360 and suddenly appears calm and justified in the face of an angry Kryptonian. The woman is brave, Kara will give her that.

 

“I gave your mother what I had, but I made more so I could realize its potential. All of my current research is based on this,” she explains, as if somehow that makes it any better.

 

“This is how Lex had powers. Is that part of your research, too?” Kara asks bitterly, disappointed that Lena would put the people of Earth in jeopardy for some- some egotistical science experiments.

 

“This is why I didn’t want to work with you,” Lena spits out. “Because every time I think things are getting better with us, you display an inherent distrust of my intentions!” And, well, Lena isn’t wrong. “What is so wrong about helping humans protect themselves?” But-

 

“Because someone like Lex could get ahold of the technology and use it for evil, which is _exactly_ what happened,” Kara retorts, and she’s not wrong either.

 

“You look past all of the good we’ve done and see red whenever you feel vulnerable,” and okay, Lena doesn’t need to get all personal with her. This, for once, isn’t _about_ her, or kryptonite, or whatever. It’s about protecting the people of Earth. Kara is just about to say all of this, when Alex cuts in.

 

“Lena saved Argo with this.” This was _so_ not the direction Kara was expecting this to go.

 

“She rescued Sam, she cured Bitsie’s cancer,” and with every word coming out of Alex’s mouth, Kara feels like she’s caving in on herself.

 

“She saved James’s life.”

 

So this is what it’s like to be on the outside. This is the first time that Kara has felt like an alien to Alex ever since they started getting along as kids. But, as painful as it is to have her sister side with someone else, Alex is right. _Lena_ is right.

 

“You’re right,” Kara admits shakily, tears in her eyes, looking away in shame from the two, her posture the farthest possible from her usual heroic pose. Alex and Lena look absolutely startled by the attitude shift.

 

“Excuse me?” Lena asks incredulously, and yeah, okay, Supergirl totally deserved that.

 

“You’re right,” Kara tries again, this time facing her. “If you hadn’t made Harun-El, James wouldn’t be alive, and you saved him in a way I couldn’t,” she feels her Supergirl persona melt away, terrified that Lena will see through it, see through _her_ , but this has long been overdue.

 

“I do see red sometimes; and it’s not an ego thing, or allegiance, or anything like that. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. And since Superman left and Lex has been free, it feels a lot heavier. If my enemies are strengthened, if I’m weakened in the _slightest_ bit, I could lose. And I just can’t,” she swallows through the heavy knot in her throat, “I can’t lose.” Then-

 

“I’m sorry, Lena.”

 

Lena looks so surprised, so unsure of what to do with a sincere apology, that Kara starts thinking that maybe Lena _never_ got an apology from the people who hurt her or wronged her. And that makes her realize just how long ago Supergirl should have apologized for how she treated Lena.

 

“Thank you,” Lena struggles to get it out through the tears she’s holding back herself. “I appreciate that.”

 

“Bygones?”

 

“Bygones.”

 

And with how Lena is looking at her with so much understanding and compassion, Kara thinks, maybe it’s not too late. Even if Alex can’t remember her identity yet, maybe she can tell Lena. And maybe Lena will understand.

 

 

 

After the horrific events of the night, and after being called to Lena’s apartment to find that she still had someone on her side, that Lena and Alex believed in her even though they had no reason to, well. The idea cements itself even further in Kara’s head. She needs to tell Lena before it really _is_ too late, before something happens and either of them- no. She can’t think about that.

And so, long after Alex leaves in the middle of the night, with promises to come back the next morning bright and early ‘and with donuts!’, Supergirl doesn’t leave.

 

Kara steps onto Lena’s balcony. A few moments later, Lena follows, understanding Supergirl’s invitation.

 

“Is it safe for you to be out here?” Lena asks softly, probably trying to show that she’s not ordering Supergirl to come back inside, but that she’s merely worried. The gesture is sweet and makes Kara feel even worse for having kept this secret for so long.

 

“It’s as safe as any place in National City. My apartment. My favorite café. My workplace,” Kara says as she leans on the railing, looking up towards the stars.

 

She feels Lena tense behind her for a moment before she walks up and mirrors Supergirl, looking out towards the sky herself. Kara wonders what Lena thinks about when she looks at the stars. Does she see anything other than death and destruction, a past she can’t escape? Or are her demons signified by other things, like fake smiles and cold shoulders? She feels guilty as both Kara and Supergirl, knowing that she must have hurt Lena so much in the past months without even realizing it.

 

“Why are you telling me all this? Why did you apologize?”

 

Kara hears the unspoken ‘why now and not before’ and does her best not to flinch at the justified accusation.

 

“Someone once told me, ‘never meet your idols, it’ll only lead to disappointment’,” and she hears Lena’s soft intake of breath. She pushes on because Lena deserves much more than a half admission.

 

“And that’s what I’ve been. What Supergirl has been. To you. To the world. I never showed you my – for lack of a better term – human side. I didn’t think it was necessary. I’ve always seen Supergirl as part of me, as a person in her own right.”

 

“But people only see the symbol on your chest,” Lena turns towards her and tentatively reaches out with her fingers to touch said symbol, stopping a few inches short. Kara takes her hand and guides it to the crest. She hears Lena’s heartbeat spike and prays to Rao, to any god that’s listening, that it’s not because of fear. And _oh_ , her own heartbeat is doing somersaults when she looks down at Lena’s fingers on top of the symbol of the House of El.

 

Oh. _Oh_. She’s in love with Lena. But this is too much right now, for both of them. There will be a time after all of this, hopefully, when she can address it.

 

“So this is me not saying ‘I’m Supergirl’,” she looks back up at Lena who is staring at her with an unreadable expression and tears with her eyes for the second time in one day.

 

“This is me saying I’m Kara.”

 

At that, a tear escapes Lena’s eye and without thinking, Kara reaches out and wipes it away with her thumb.

 

“This is me saying thank you for all the times you’ve been by my side, even without knowing, even after I hurt you and didn’t apologize for it,” she bites her lip. “You mean a lot to me, Lena. It means- I can’t even tell you what it means to me that you’re still here after… after everything.”

 

Lena smiles an unfairly knowing smile, looking at her just like she’s always looked at Kara, and that is such a _huge_ relief because Kara didn’t even know how much she wanted Lena to just see her as Kara. Lena takes their still linked hands away from Kara’s chest and intertwines their fingers.

 

“ _El Mayarah_. Stronger together, that’s what it means, right?”

 

Kara engulfs Lena in a hug so quickly that she hears a surprised _oof_ , but then Lena melts into the hug like always and Kara feels so _relieved_ and thankful and maybe even a bit hopeful for the future, listening to Lena’s heart beating just as quickly as her own.

 

“Yes,” Kara’s reply is muffled by Lena’s sweater which is currently getting soaked with her tears, “it does. _Thank you_.”

 

Lena croaks out a soft _mhm_ , her own tears dripping down Kara’s cape, before they both straighten up and wipe at their eyes.

 

“Hey, Lena?” Kara asks a few minutes later, after they’ve resumed their stargazing, standing much more comfortably next to each other.

 

“Hmm?” Lena answers distractedly, seeming to search the stars for something – maybe Krypton, maybe Argo City. Maybe just trying to get her head around all her previous interactions with both Kara and Supergirl.

 

“I have- I have something else to tell you. It’s nothing bad, I promise,” Kara rushes to add, a blush rising to her cheeks, “but I just think… maybe we should wait until we get through this life-threatening crisis first. But I _will_ tell you,” she ends resolutely. Kara may be a lot of things, but she’s no coward. Lena deserves to know that she’s loved, even if she doesn’t feel the same way.

 

Lena places her hand over Kara’s on the railing.

 

“It’s okay, Kara. Whenever you’re ready.”

 

And maybe it’s the way she says it, or maybe it’s the soft and soothing movement of her thumb caressing Kara’s hand, but Kara thinks that maybe Lena feels the same way. Maybe Lena has felt like this for a while, and it’s Kara who’s playing catch-up, even though Lena is the one who just learned her full identity.

 

Maybe Kara doesn’t quite mind that she wasn’t the first to figure it out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
